Answering the Great Unknown

I don’t know if this will be as hard for you to read as it was for me to write, but it might be, so grab your tissues and only read when you’re able to cry ❤️‍🩹

We stared out at the sea,

Late one night,

Him, her, me

We discussed it that night,

but I don’t know who mentioned it;

A disclosure attached

“Not that I would ever do it”

Disclosure went straight into deep conversation

We all felt it,

We heard it,

At one time or another

Stared out at the sea as we each wondered,

What if I did it?

Would I live, would I die?

Would I even want to survive?

The “call of the unknown,” as they call it

But it’s more like a whisper

And sometimes a scream,

The scream, somehow easier to ignore,

But the whisper seeps in somehow,

In the dark, in the night:

Could I make it alone, with only God beside me? Could I float? Would I want to?

As I wonder then about an old friend

Tears well in my eyes

‘Cause we weren’t friends anymore,

But we’d still always say hi

And I see your brother around sometimes, (we don’t say hi)

You were always a mean kid

Not as mean as your big brother;

He was always in trouble,

Sometimes even called “troubled”

No, not as mean as your brother,

You were nice on that day I didn’t feel so good when I got on the bus

You let Evie share your seat

Which was good, ‘cause later I threw up

And you were mean to the girl who was mean to me,

Which, back then, I thought was nice

But I’ve grown up and learned that two wrongs really don’t make a right.

You probably never knew this, but when I moved schools

This girl came up to me in the hall on day one, and said hi

She said she was your neighbor,

(She already knew my name)

That you two shared a birthday,

And you told her my name.

I can cry all the tears in the world but it won’t change this fact,

It meant more to me later,

Not that much at the time

So I don’t know if I really said thank you

It was four years since we’d been friends,

Four years since I moved

But you found out about the play I was in

So you came to my school

And you brought our old friends

And you handed me a flower

And said “break a leg”

Afterwards, you gave me a hug,

Told me I was great

I don’t know if I thanked you

I sure hope I did.

So I wonder what called you,

If it was the unknown

Or if you really just missed when your mom was at home

I wonder if I’d make it,

with only God beside me,

I think I’d be wishing to hear my dad’s voice,

Trying to drown out any other

While everyone stood screaming

We love you, don’t do it

Did you plug your ears and listen to the Great Unknown,

Disguised as your mother

Calling out, “come with me,”

Is that why you did it?

Did you think about them?

The rest left behind without their mother

Because now they’re without you, too.

Without you, friend, son, uncle, brother.