Pt. 2: Spaghetti Brain

Waffles aren't a particularly messy food, not unless you put something on them.

Spaghetti, on the other hand...

I wish everyone understood the fundamental differences between the brains of men and women. Of course, I don't understand it, and I don't think anyone does. But it sure would be nice if everyone did!

I heard or read one time that men's brains are like a waffle, where everything is compartmentalized and separate from each other, whereas women's brains are like a big ol’ bowl of spaghetti, where everything seems to be connected, or at least related, and its a big mess! My brain is definitely like this.

I often wish my brain was a room full of filing cabinets, so I could lock away the things I don't want to ever think about again, and put away the thoughts that are tiring me, being able to choose what things will pop up in my mind. That way, I could lock certain things away so well that not even my dreams could access them, and maybe I would be able to sleep again, the way I could before I was 19.

Instead, my brain is like a room full of little scraps of paper with fans blowing them from every direction. Most of the time, a few get stuck in a cycle where I can think of nothing else but a few specific thoughts. I've been hoping that writing them down will allow me to shred those pieces of paper, because I don't need to remember them in my brain anymore once they are down on actual paper. Unfortunately, that hasn't really been working so far, and now it seems that I just think a lot more about things I would like to write down.

It would be nice if I could listen to a song I used to like without it reminding me of someone that I do not like. Although, it is nice that every so often I hear an old song that reminds me of an old friend I still love, but don't talk to or see or even think of any more.

The best is when someone manages to overwrite one of those songs, so I can listen to it happily again, and only every once in a while will I think, "hm, this song used to remind me of so-and-so." And some songs have been overwritten lots of times, like Mr. Brightside, a song that floods me with memories, good and bad, and overall I still enjoy the song.

All the lessons I've learned have turned me into who I am today, right? But those lessons were people, and I cannot think of the lesson without thinking of the person who taught me that lesson, so it gets messy. I do not think of those people romantically, nor do I think of them angrily, but simply as important lessons that I needed to learn, people that were important to me at one time and now I wish the best for them, but hope never to see them again. But still, even though there aren't feelings attached, it still looks bad, and it feels wrong, to think of them now, and especially to bring them up. It’s messy, like spaghetti. I guess, to the men, they just throw the ex's in some compartment and the lessons in another and they don't have to think of them anymore. Maybe? I don't know.

Maybe that's why girls always want to know what happened in the past, because to us it matters a lot more-- it's all connected to now. But the guy doesn't want to explain it, because it doesn't matter to him anymore, and he doesn't think it needs to be explained. But that looks suspicious to us girls, who feel like the people from the past have shaped us into the girl you care about now, so really, they are still important. Not the real them, no, but the ghost of them. The present them does not matter at all now-- that WOULD be a red flag. But the person they were when we knew them, yes, that artificial person does still matter because they were essential in leading me to where I am today.

And that is why it's all about communication.